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My Daze of Dancing with the Dark Muse
(Better to Burn Out Series Book 1)
Genre: Rock Fiction
Release Date: March 13, 2020
Some say, Nigel Hartagan is a legend, and that’s certainly true in his mind. He seems to have everything; a successful music career, a talented wife, and beautiful daughter, but nothing is as real as it appears from the outside.
When a temptress, he calls the Powder Goddess comes into his world, Nigel soon discovers a monster lurking inside him. Everything he once treasured has become worthless as he slips further into the Goddess’s clutches. The inner beast takes control and debauchery becomes his goal.
While he loves his new Goddess more than his musical mistress, Nigel soon begins to question if the price she requires is too high as he realizes he’s in a battle for his life.
Mature Content 18+
“Pay close attention to the word DARK in the title……………..
What this book is not – A Rock Romance or Is it?????
What this book is a detailed train wreck/can’t look away/front row seat into the life of the vilest person you will ever read about.” ~ Kathy Aronoff
“For anyone who wants to read about the dark gritty underbelly of fame in rock & roll, don't miss this book! It deals with all of the bad things things that can come with fame: sex, drug's, and how it is all dropped into your lap at all times.” ~ Sandra Barg
“This was a wild ride in the crazy world of Rock n Roll and one man's ability to destroy himself at every turn. Part of the time I hated him, part of the time I felt for him and all he had gone through in his life. The book was written as the characters journal. The lifestyle he chose and the mistakes he made. His crazy ride kept me wanting more. Looking forward to book 2.” ~ TL Grace
Hey Day
9 June 1997
If I think back, to my glory days, the first dance with fame, not the second time Sambuka Fedora rose to success. I have fond memories of those days when everyone wanted a piece of me. I could do no wrong. It didn’t matter to the fans if the show sucked because the girls who filled the auditorium would out scream most of our songs anyway.
The feeling of all those voices joining in to chant your name over and over, Mmmm, it has to be more intoxicating than any drug around. “Nigel, Nigel.” “Fuck me, Nigel!” “I Love you Nigel” That mixed with the rhythmic applause and the pounding of drums; it’s as if a mistress is inviting you into an ill-fated love affair. You try to focus on what your fingers are doing and not the busty blonde in the front row. Sometimes it’s a nearly impossible task as she is almost falling out of her top. She licks her lips and leans a little forward letting you see her ample cleavage. She dances seductively to your throbbing bass. The girl next to her is jumping up and down, screaming at you, but the blonde has your attention. I imagine as my hand slides up the neck of my bass that I’m having a little foreplay with the blonde. After all, isn’t that what this all is?
All I have to do is send her a pass and invite her back. She will be more than ready after watching me. Her panties would come up on stage after the third song. I’d graciously catch them and smell them, so delightful and moist. She will want me to use these fingers that I manipulated my instrument with to manipulate her; turning her moans of pleasure into music to my ears. She thinks she is going to get me alone and suck on my bottom lip as she rides my cock. She will want my cock so bad that she will let me stick it anywhere and I will. That is if we are staying in town for the night.
I loved the weeks when we set up a base camp. Then I could have one girl to service me for at least a week. Sometimes I would mix it up and have two or three. Most of the time it’s better just to have one, though. If we aren’t staying in town, then the name of the game is a quickie. Get a bird on the tour bus or in the dressing room and shag her good. Sometimes they are willing before the show, and other times it is a quickie right after we get off the stage before heading to the airport.
There was one bird that was so hot for Tristan and I that she wanted to ride in the limo with us. She was near perfection, and she didn’t care how she got back to her car. She just wanted to be fucked by both of us. She went to work on me as soon as the door closed. Tristan went to work on her. Before I knew it, she was sticking her wet pussy on my cock as she sucked Tristan. I fucked her hard and heard him moan every time I drove my cock deep into her. I gave her my load, and then Tristan filled her mouth. She cleaned both of us off and offered us some blow. Sure, why not, what was another bump after the one I had before we started this sexcapade.
Sex always distracts me. I was sharing with you how powerful the chanting of your name can be when as always, a blonde comes to mind. They’re my bird of choice. I don’t know why I just have a thing for them. I’m doing it again.
When the chanting stops and you’re sober and alone in a hotel room, reality has a harsh way of coming at you. What’s worse is when you’re in your bed alone at home. There is no one calling your name: no chanting, no adoration, just solitude. You’re left to wonder if they will ever cheer for you again or will you be relegated to being the spouse of someone or a has been. It can be disconcerting. It creates fear and anxiety. You wonder if your life will ever be what it once was. Will you have accolades showered upon you again, or will there be the whispers, “Didn’t he used to be.” When that happens, I just want to scream that I’m still me. I haven’t changed. I did all those things. I’m still cool. I’m still relevant. I’m still me. – N.
Moment of Coronation
9 September 1997
Do you know what it feels like to be the underdog, the freak, or the outcast? Most would believe that I wouldn’t either, but that isn’t true. Before I met Julian, I didn’t have any friends. I didn’t want to play with the toy cars with the other kids in the mud. I was more content drawing and beating on my mum’s pots. Even if my mother said, I was too old. I didn’t want to go out and play with the other kids. However, my mum never knew because I kept it to myself. I didn’t want her to know that the other kids picked on me. They laughed at me for my glasses for the noises I would make with my trucks. When I got older, the other kids laughed at my clothes and pimples. I wasn’t perfect. I was called Pansy, among other things.
When Julian moved to the neighborhood, he was the only one who understood. He understood my creative side and my flair for fashion. When it came to music, Bowie was tops for him as well. As we talked more, I learned he had a keyboard at home and was working on writing music. It wouldn’t be long before he inspired me to beg my parents for enough cash to buy a cheap electric guitar and amp. I think after I explained that I had a friend and we were going to start a band, it made their choice easier. Their son had a friend for the first time, and they were overjoyed.
You may think after that everything was easy. You may think because we were going to start a band, things just fell in our lap, but anyone who has ever been in a group starting out knows it isn’t easy. They know the struggles of finding other like minded people, people that share your vision and your dream. Some people are in it for the music, and the other ones are in it to get laid. Honestly, I’ve had my share of moments when the music has come second.
I digress. My point is when you have retreated from the world, coming out again and claiming yourself is a strange experience. It isn’t something easy to embrace. When you create something, you’re terrified that everyone will think it’s rubbish. What if, becomes the scariest thoughts you can ever have. Beliefs that can grow and hold you back from anything you might want to attempt if you let them.
Imagine you as the underdog who has created something and then all of a sudden you hear a few people talking about it. They are saying how great it is and they tell a friend, and it grows. They come up to you and are applauding something that you still have a feeling that you could’ve made better or tweaked here for a better sound. To them, they see the genius, and all you see is the imperfection. Why? Why not just accept what they like and move on? So, while they are applauding you, part of you is in deep denial.
The first time we played, Madison Square Garden was in the summer of 1983. We sold it out, not just one day, but three days in a row. Three fucking days and sometimes I think back and still can’t believe it. When we got to this point, was I still insecure, still wondering ‘What if?’ Yes, I was, and unfortunately, it’s heightened. For as you stand on the stage at sound check and see the sea of seats that will be filled, you take a step back and wonder. What if something goes wrong tonight, I hit a bum note or fall on my ass? What if? What if? What if? I think that might be one of the reasons I embraced the escape. With a little liquid libation or a visit from the Goddess, everything is so much better. Courage has been found to quash what if and now you are ready to rock the fucking world.
That first night at MSG, I had a little liquid courage, but I wanted to feel the experience. Midway through our set, I realized how silly it was for me to worry. They may have loved our music, but you would never know as the screams drowned out almost every note we played. They weren’t here for the songs. They were here to see their heartthrob live and in person. That’s when I realized just how high you could get from them. We had played many dates, but this was the biggest at the time. To hear the chants and screams, girls clutching their signs and some flashing their tits; all I could think was they like me. They really want me. Some were very willing to prove this by jumping on stage.
That was the exact moment of our coronation; we had a sold-out tour and two songs in the top ten in the US and Britain. They loved me, and I loved them. Magazine covers, Interviews, and TV appearances all part of this frenzied world that had embraced the outcast. I remember thinking there was no way this would ever end. They’ll always love us, hmm, if only. No, like with everything else in life, it doesn’t last forever.
For some, the ups and downs are easy to deal, but when it is all thrust upon you so quickly, it is a lot to handle. If things hadn’t taken off so fast, I might have been able to pace myself; instead, I was like a shooting star. I burned quickly and bright and left to find my way back to reality. Don’t get me wrong; almost every time I step on stage, I feel that rush. That welcoming of an old friend, but now she is not so embracing, and even though I’ve moved past being an outcast, I still have to learn to embrace who I truly am. –N.
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Worth Waiting For
Release Date: November 26, 2019
Jenn Poff had a hit movie, but since her television series was canceled, auditions have been few and far between. The lack of auditions hadn’t been a problem because it had allowed her to spend time with the love of her life, Wes.
There were only two things that Wes Blenkenship lived for, singing and Jenn. While his good looks and velvet voice had ladies begging to be with him, Jenn was the only one who understood him and loved him for who he was and not illusion his fans had created.
However, one night, something happened which would alter their lives forever. Jenn now finds herself asking, is she willing to give up five years to give Wes his dream?
“Jenn Poff is a down on her luck actress whose career is sputtering. Wes Blankenship is the love of her life and lives to sing and write music. Mason is a Hollywood hot shot who offers to help Jenn jump start her career. Mason's number one priority is himself and how the public sees him. Jenn doesn't realize his offer to help her comes with some really big strings attached.”
- Stephanie B.
Seriously, the story has some gritty real moments captured, and we have to remember to get mad at characters, not the translator that is the author.
I really appreciate Ms Needom's use of natural vernacular with her characters. If someone says they are "Fixin' to" work on something, it may not be proper grammar, but it is relate-able dialog.
Seeing real conversations of the characters make the story flow seamlessly, as though I could meet them.
If you are looking for a romance that is not your standard 'bodice ripper', written as if the walls were writing, this is a wonderful Summer (or anytime) read.
I have a feeling we will be seeing more from DM Needom's diaries from the secret crevices in Hollywood- here's to hoping.
~ Sg
I just finished worth waiting for and I'm so glad it was worth waiting for. Seeing The Journey of this couple brought into my awareness all of the times that I have done stupid things. And it's very easy to say oh don't do that you know it's going to turn out bad, but in in my own life I have been unaware, just like the couple in this book. All the things they do are the Journey Into the love that they have for each other. It gives me hope at finding the love I so desire you still worth waiting for. ~ Rita Morgin
September 7, 1990
Jenn
I always dreamed of this moment, now though I was filled with uncertainty. When I fantasied about it, I’d lay in bed and think about what I’d wear, the flowers, everything that would make this the best day of my life. However, as I gazed at my reflection in the full-length white oval mirror, I knew this day would be beyond every little dream I had. Sure, I looked prettier than I ever thought I’d be. However, this wasn’t the wedding I wanted. My dress was gorgeous, and while I had picked out a simple white halter dress, my mother and Mason had other ideas. Their choice was this exquisite white strapless, lace, and pearl beaded form-fitting dress. I glanced at the huge sapphire cut diamond engagement ring and thought about how much my life was about to change and felt my stomach twist. To everyone on the outside, I should be happy as I had everything now. This should’ve been my crowning moment of all the success I’d been blessed with, but it wasn’t.
Kerri handed me a glass of champagne. “You’re actually marrying Mason Langford.” She laughed a bit.
I smiled and wondered if she was trying to make me come to my senses and back out. I took a sip, “Yeah, who would’ve believed it?”
“I always thought Wes would be the one.” She repeated her words from last night, letting her eyes meet mine before I turned away.
I put the glass of bubbly down and looked out at the ocean. I thought he was the one too. We had been through so much. I walked back over to look at my reflection again. I thought about Wes; he loved me. He always had. I saw the sadness in my eyes that I tried to hide. I thought about the pictures I looked at last night. So many images from of us hanging together at the beach or with friends, some were after his gigs. It didn’t matter, none of that did. I was marrying Mason. Everyone kept saying he was better for me; after all, he saved my mother. My mother told me numerous times how I owed him my life, really the person who owed him their life was her, but as usual, I would pay the price for her mistake.
There was a gentle wrapping on the door. I didn’t turn from the mirror as I knew Kerri would get it. I closed my eyes before I felt the slightly calloused hand on my shoulder and knew it was Wes. My heart leaped at his touch. My hand reached up to meet his as I inhaled his cedar infused cologne. It was Perry Ellis, and he knew it was one of my favorites. Opening my eyes, I saw our reflection staring back at us. I felt a deep pain in my heart as my eyes met Wes’s. There we were, standing like the happy couple on their wedding day. The white brocade woodwork around the mirror created the illusion of a wedding photo. This was how I visualized photographs of us.
“Man, he is lucky.” He said, caressing my cheek with the back of his hand. “You look beautiful.”
“Thanks,” I said, turning around to face him. “You look pretty good yourself.”
His hands held mine; they were the only thing keeping us from embracing. “I always knew you would be a beautiful bride. I always thought I’d be the one at the end of the aisle waiting for you, though.” He smiled a soft smile as he leaned in closer. “You know you could just call the whole thing off and marry me instead.” He said with a wink. “We could run away, get married, have a few kids, and live happily ever after.”
I looked at him, trying to see if he was serious. My heart was racing at the thought of being his wife. We had talked about getting married, but I had to wait. Why did he have to do this now? “You’re joking, right?”
His eyes met mine, and I knew he was only half-joking. “Of course,” he said, chuckling. “But if he doesn’t show, I’d step in gladly.”
I looked at him, torn. I loved him but knew if I ran, Mason would destroy both of us. I looked around the room and saw that Kerri was talking with the photographer. I felt my eyes moisten as I squeezed his hands. A slight smile formed on my face as I leaned in closer. “I love you, always and forever.” I laid my hand on his chest where I knew the tattoo was, so he could see the ring he gave me.
I could see the tears he was holding back as he laid his hand on top of mine, “Always and forever.”
The door flew open as soon as he leaned in to kiss my hand. My mother walked in, “It’s almost time,” Taylor said as she came over to us. I stepped back from Wes before she placed her hand on Wes’s chest, “Don’t get any ideas, things are in place that if she runs away, it will ruin her. So don’t be a selfish prick.”
“Shouldn’t you be downstairs waiting to be ushered to your seat or something?” I asked.
“Since Wes was missing I figured I should make sure he wouldn’t cause any problems,” she said, touching his face.
“I’m not; I just came to…”
“Damn it,” Kerri exclaimed.
I turned and saw her wiping up spilled liquid on the counter. Taylor noticed and walked away. I knew she would have a drink. Another rehab attempt down the drain, I thought. I watched as the two of them were wiping things up before focusing back on Wes. Our eyes were searching the others before he pulled me toward him. My hands were in his, as our lips were inches away. His cheek brushed mine as he leaned in and whispered. “Five years isn’t that long.” I felt the warmth of his breath on my cheek as he pulled back. His eyes met mine as he continued in hushed tones. “I love you, and you’re my best friend. I’ll always be here for you, no matter what.”
“I know, and the same is true for you.” My hands squeezed his before he pulled away. I saw the pools in his eyes and felt my tears rising.
He looked down at the ground and exhaled before he spoke. “I better get down there. I wouldn’t want to miss your grand entrance.” He leaned in and kissed my cheek.
I grabbed his arm before I kissed his cheek. “I know this must be hard, but thank you for being here.”
“I told you last night; I wouldn’t be anywhere else.” He said with a smile before he turned away.
I watched as he walked to the door and glanced back at me. The urge I felt to run toward him was squelched when my mother’s laughter filled the room. I glanced over as my mom as she pointed toward the door. I looked toward where Wes was, but he was gone.
Kerri and I exchanged glances before I walked back toward the mirror. I saw my reflection, but Wes’s image was ingrained in my mind. What was I doing? Maybe Kerri was right. Perhaps I should fuck the lot of them and run. I was about to take the veil out of my hair when my mother grabbed my wrist.
She was standing next to me, “Don’t be stupid. Love can’t buy you security; you don’t want to end up like me. Mason will give you a bright future. Wes is just some flunky musician that will never amount to anything.”
“That’s not true. He has a contract and…”
“Just because he has a contract doesn’t mean he has what it takes. Look at me,” my mother said, raising her glass.
I ignored the comment about her past. “Maybe not, but I know I could be happy with Wes.”
“Wait until you can’t afford your rent or the electric bill? Worse yet, what happens when you pop out two kids, and he is still gigging at some bar hooking up with some random groupie while your home alone. Don’t blow this. Mason adores you, and he’s put you on the map. Once this merger is complete, your only going to get bigger roles.”
“I don’t care about roles,” I said, looking at her like she was insane.
“You should because when he dumps you for someone younger and he will, you’ll be set for the rest of your life.”
“Don’t you mean you? I mean isn’t that part of this contract that you’re taken care of too.”
“I’m thinking about your future, Jennifer Marie,” she said, squeezing my hand. “Don’t throw it away for an illusion.” She let go of my hand, “Now, grab your bouquet and let’s go, I’m walking you down the aisle since your dad didn’t make it.
I glanced at Kerri, “I guess, it’s showtime.”
She looked at me quizzically, before shooting me a weak look.
D.M. Needom has been creating stories since she was a kid and finally started committing them to paper when she was in high school. While most of her classmates went on to college, she opted to take a different and often exciting and sometimes difficult life path. While she did attend college on and off during this journey, she appreciates, the opportunities she had working in the music, television, and film industries. She now realizes this adventure gave her the life experiences she needed to complete her book.
Originally from New Orleans, she now calls the North West Burbs of Chicago her home with her wonderful husband and their two fur babies; Chloe, kitty, and Cami, pup. Besides writing, she enjoys intuitively reading Tarot and Oracle for others. She also enjoys watching a variety of television and movies though often finds that there isn’t enough time in the day to do this and write.
In 2010, her short story Immortal Love won the Vicious Seduction Award from the Key Publications Network. She also holds memberships in the Author’s Guild and with the Romance Writers of America.
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